Deciding what I want to do with my life….With a little help from you!

It’s come to my attention that I need to pick an ambition and run with it. I enjoy so many subjects in school and I like the idea of many professions, so it’s difficult to decide. It’s a little embarrassing to mark myself as “undecided”, but at the same time, such a huge decision is difficult.

Some of the things I’m interested in?

Teaching. I love working with children (people in general, really) and I have a lot of experience with it. When I was younger I always thought it was something I’d end up doing. However, upon getting this new teaching job and furthering my education in it, it has lost its luster to me. Perhaps it’s just a phase. Any teachers want to share their experience in their decision to become a teacher? 

Dietetics. I love cooking and learning about nutrition. Yes, my knowledge of it began at a horrid place in life, but it evolved into a fascination with the science of how our bodies work. My only reservations was that the job would be kind of boring, after reading about what dietitians do. Dietitians, what’s the most exciting part of your job or what do you most enjoy about it?

Physical Therapy. I love the idea of working with people all day and helping them better their health! I’ve read a lot about physical therapists and again, I’m insanely interested in anatomy and other similar subjects. My only reservation about this career was the schooling. I’m so eager to get out of school right now and I’ve only been in college for 2 years. I couldn’t imagine 6 years of intensive schooling. What is PT school like and how did you get through it? What is a day in your life like?

I love travelling and of course, writing, but I wasn’t sure what, if anything, I could honestly pursue with that. It’s been a dream of mine to be an author but I figured that could be sort of a “side thing” in my life.

What do you think? What is your major/career and why? How did you come to that decision?

Progress.

This past week has slowly been easing into a normal pattern. So proud of myself and thankful for the help I’ve been receiving! I know the battle is not over, but I’m winning.

Yesterday morning for breakfast I had “Healthy Cinnamon Toast Crunch” or more formally called: Mom’s Best:

Mixed with a sprinkle of Kellogg’s All-Bran with milk and a cup of coffee.

Since I worked all day yesterday, instead of old disordered self saying, “Don’t eat anything all day, burn more fat,” when I was hungry at lunch I walked just down the way in the mall and got a strawberry smoothie. It was delicious.

By the time I got off, I was starting to get hungry again. Mom brought home Jimmy John’s.

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I had the “Vito” Italian sub (I asked them to add hot peppers as well) and a chocolate chip cookie. Dad and I sat down and watched the Notre Dame game. I swear ND will always keep us on edge. That game was stolen from them last night though. We’ll show em’ next time. Let’s go blue!

This morning I did something I haven’t in years! I was in the mood for pop-tarts. I know, I know, right? We used to eat them almost every morning at my grandma’s house because they were quick — That way my siblings and I could cram in front of the T.V. and watch Dragon Tales.

So anyway, I was craving the pop-tarts because I haven’t had one in such a long time. Instead of trying to figure out a way to make a lower-cal version or trying to justify to myself why I deserved to eat one, I just did it. 

I love myself and I deserve to eat. I am now writing this blog post while enjoying a nice cup of coffee and one package of nostalgia. Ironically enough, it isn’t even as good as I remember it being! The chocolate fudge flavor was my favorite growing up (no surprise there) but it doesn’t really taste that much like chocolate when I think about it.

Well, I’m off to conquer the day! I hope you conquer yours too!

Many blessings,

Mahoney

The world is mad.

Throughout history and time, the world has undergone such tragedy, heartbreak, and evil. Even in 2014 we deal with the fear of a nationwide plague of Ebola, war, and unjustified violence. The United States is drowning it debt, nuclear warfare seems closer every year, and it’s sad to say children now fear going to school due to horrific school shootings.

As I sit here overlooking all this, I can’t help but ask, where is the justice? Where is the reason? Where is our God in all of this. It has people asking the typical questions, why would God let this happen? Why does God allow these things to happen on earth?

Theologians and philosophers have studied this for years and have concluded it to the fall of mankind at the very beginning with Adam and Eve.

And if you’re like me, sometimes that isn’t enough of an explanation. After a dinner conversation about Columbine one evening, I was fervently curious about it. I was only five years old when it happened, so what I heard about it was very little. The idea of telling a tale so gruesome to a five year old was something my parents were not about. I researched the incident and read horrifying stories as well as survivors finding their purpose years later.

My questions were full of anger; how could God let those two boys do this? Why did He let those kids die for nothing?

Usually that’s the part where my dad says to me, “God is not doing this. We live in a broken world; because of the fall of Adam, this is what happens. We have free will, Mahoney.”

Can’t You do something though? God could do something (ANYTHING) if he wanted to. He could do ANYTHING. He’s God.

The truth is, none of those things satisfied me. I was angry. I was asking these questions but I couldn’t imagine what the victim’s parents were asking. Their broken hearts must still be yearning for answers, and probably will for the rest of their lives.

Think of when Jesus died on the cross. He hung there, dying in one of the most disrespected and ghastly ways to die. I can only try to imagine what the pain he must’ve felt was like. Not only that, but He saw us in our sinful ways. I always liked to believe that He could see how much the world would fall even after He died, and yet He did it anyway. He could see the Columbine shooting, He could see the wars to come, He could see the children dying from child abuse, He could see the serial killers, He could see suicides around every corner, depressed people walking on earth believing no one loves them–He could see it all. He carried those things on His back.

People taunted Him. They said if He was the real Son of God, He could get off the cross and walk away. And the fact was, He could’ve. He could’ve jumped off the cross and road into the clouds never to return.

But He didn’t because He knew this was for something far greater than Himself. He knew that his suffering had significant purpose in something large. And not many understood that. They didn’t understand why He had to die.

And I believe the same goes for us. We never understand God’s mysterious ways (or at least we won’t till later). But the suffering we go through has a greater purpose. God doesn’t take us from our crosses because something bigger is going on that we don’t understand.

God doesn’t make us suffer and He doesn’t let things happen. The Theologians are right, free will and the fall of Adam have led to deep corruption of some souls. God knows life is suffering. He takes that suffering and turns it in to something beautiful.

Though I will never understand why people die so soon and why tragedy hits the world so harshly, I know He is there and His ways are great.

How do you cope with/explain tragedy?

 

Wednesday

I’m reading…

The Insanity of God by Nik Ripken. This was one of the three books I started at the same time. Now that I’ve picked it back up, I can’t put it down. It’s a true account of Nik’s mission is Somalia. Nothing is impossible for God.

I’m listening to…

Lately this —–>  

It has been my “get up in the morning and dance” song. It’s so catchy and fun. What song do you listen to every day to get you feeling positive? 

I’m wearing…

Jeans, vans, and a comfy sweater!

I’m eating/drinking…

Right now I am drinking a hot cup of hazelnut coffee from Panera, with just a dash of half&half. Their coffee is like Christmas morning.

I’m obsessing…

After a long conversation about Cancer yesterday and the people in our community who are very ill, I’ve been researching the affects of GMOs and artificial ingredients on the body. I think that kind of research is insanely interesting and it stemmed from a passion about why companies are selling us cancer causing non-foods and why we aren’t demanding something different.

I’m looking forward to…

This list is practically endless. I’m looking forward to this semester being over, New York City, winter, finishing a couple books, finish writing a novel (for once in my life), and a million other things. Life is better when I have something to look forward to.

That’s definitely a coping mechanism I’ve learned. Always be working towards something!

 

 

I hope you all have a great rest of the week!

Many Blessings,

Mahoney

 

Fall and Winter are my favorites.

As much as I’ve been a person to say “I just want to move to Florida”, I have to say, I definitely take fall and winter for granted. With fall starting and cold weather filing in, it’s refreshing. The warm drinks, the giant sweaters, the blankets, long football afternoons, all of the leaves changing colors.. And snow… Gosh I can’t wait for the snow! If anyone else in my state heard me say that, they’d slap me. We were buried in snow last year. Just because I’m anticipating the snow does not mean I am thrilled to drive in it.

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Guilty. As soon as I wrote that first paragraph I thought of this ^.

And as much as I hate that stereotype…Here I am….In Panera……wearing my nike sweats….And drinking—You guessed it, a pumpkin spice latte.

I got up early and came here to write. Usually when I put on my head phones and pandora ‘film scores’ for extra inspiration while I write. Sounds like a great idea, right? Except that when I got here, I realized one of the ear buds had the ‘bud thing’ (is that what it’s called?) missing from it. I didn’t see it was gone when I grabbed them to leave.

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So now I can’t listen to music. As soon as I took my headphones out of my purse and saw this, I was pretty peeved for a few minutes.

Nonetheless, here I sit, warm and cozy with a fall drink. I guess I shouldn’t complain that much.

Where do you find your writing inspiration from?

A pessimistic optimist

I can’t sleep.

Okay, well that isn’t completely true, I just refuse to. Not sure why, I think I just have a lot on my mind.

My whole life I’ve been a bit of a self-proclaimed optimist–You know the kind. I was that girl way back in high school who you’d go to for advice but poor me couldn’t ever take the advice myself. Growing up people told me I was full of smiles and optimistic. Naturally because people told me I was, I thought I was.

Even up until a couple of months ago I still would’ve sworn I see things with the cup half full. Honestly, without even realizing it, I searched in every situation for a reason for the cup to be half empty. When people asked me about my day I’d think about the good things without a passing thought and jump straight to something bad that happened and claimed it ruined my day.

I was an optimist who searched for pessimism. A pessimist who put on a mask.

Maybe we all do that to an extent… but are we honest about it? Do we really stop and think about the fact that we are making ourselves miserable? Perhaps we do but push those thoughts to the back of our minds, maybe we’ve never thought about it before.

That’s what I did. I stuck my nose up when I saw people being “debby downer’s” and scolded them for it, all while closing my umbrella and letting rain drench my thoughts. I didn’t know I was doing it, but I did.

BUT, at the same time, when I did have a bad day…I just wanted someone for once to say:

“Yeah, that sucks.”

Instead of trying to pour optimism all over me;

“But at least ______ happened!”

“At least you got to sleep in!”

“You’ll get through it!”

For once I just want someone to agree with me that my life is kinda sucky right now. Instead of trying to change my mind which has already been made can’t someone just say:

“Wow, you’re going through a lot of crap. That’s terrible.”

There is so much garbage in my life. I don’t know exactly how it got here or where it all came from. But it’s time I threw it all away. It’s time I paid attention to what was going on.

I’m done with this whole “glass half empty/half full” nonsense. I’m just going to throw the glass away and forget about it. Who needs that analogy anyway?

This post seems kind of scatter-brained, looking back. I apologize.

Good night!

Learning.

I am supposed to start tracking what I eat as to be accountable and honest not only with the lovely people I am working with but with myself. Agh. It begins tomorrow. I’ve always thought tracking food was especially triggering and all together time consuming, but if it’s what I need, it’s what I need. After all it’s not about tracking calories, but patterns. I’m not supposed to use a fitness app or anything that will count how many calories/how much fat, rather just what and when. It’ll be interesting to say the least.

I posted a while back about my goals for September and October. Sadly I’ve been suggested to not go after a half marathon until my relationship with food and exercise is better. It’s a bit ambitious for a start (Hey, but that’s me) so I’ll be postponing my goal for a half-marathon for a while. I can still get my fill out of my new running shoes somehow.

As for the recipes… That’s still happening! It’s actually part one of my many ‘exercises’ I’m required to do in these upcoming weeks. I’ve been hunting on pinterest like a crazy woman trying to decide which ten I’ll use!

And as for New York… That’ll just be a surprise for you to see if I go or not ;)

**Changing things for the better, one step at a time**